I remember the day I failed my driving test for the third time!

Disappointment, shame, defeat, anger were some of the emotions that soared through me.  So I made a boo boo with one road rule, even trying to remember the rule now is confusing but at the time I felt a gross miscarriage of justice had been meted out to me.   After all, I had passed the theoretical test with flying colors on the first attempt, parallel parked just about perfectly only fractions over the allotted time, mastered the hill start, brushed only one cone ever so gently in my first attempt at reversing – certainly this minor infraction could be disregarded.

In the season of what seemed like a perpetual series of failures, this was the final straw that broke my zeal and sent me on a tirade; Lord why me? Why must I always struggle to get ahead?  Why are things seemingly so easy for others? Why must my life feel like a constant uphill battle and so the pity party went on.  As I ruminated on my whole life; my goals, dreams, ambitions; how behind I felt.  Stuck in the starting blocks almost 30 years later…, a bit of an exaggeration but certainly how I felt in the moment.

In the midst of my wallowing; why Lord? What’s the purpose of these struggles? What is the lesson I need to learn, what…? Why…? When…? …The Lord spoke:

“What about what I want? What of my plans for you?”

Nothing like God talking back to put a spoke in the wheel of your ranting.  I’ve come to realize that When God asks questions, it’s not because he doesn’t know the answers but like his question to Adam in the garden “Where are you?” (Gen. 3), His questions prod us to come to terms with where we are in relation to His will.  Upon reflection, I had been measuring my life by standards I had adopted from my culture; what career to pursue, what age I should graduate from college, when to get married have children, start a business, retire and so the timetable went on…

My perceived inadequacy for what in the grand scale of things were trivial pursuits was causing me much frustration.  I’ve always thought that the things I aspire to are things God want for me, certainly His plans were in line with my expectations.  But now at His utterance I was forced to stop and consult the one who saw me before I was formed in the whom, knew me while I was still hidden, knows my thoughts a far off  and has plans to prosper me.

God what do you want for my life?

Is there something God has called you to do?  Something you have perhaps shelved or feel inadequate to carry out.  A dream or desire He has placed in you that is now buried by clouds of doubt formed through years of failure?  Perhaps you have never stopped to ask Him what his unique plans are for you.  Perhaps you have you laid out your best plans and expect the orchestrator of the universe to follow along?   Take a moment to reflect.   You may uncover answers in an instant or it may take several days but commit to seeking God’s design for your life.  I had this encounter years ago and I still often find the need to check the trajectory of my life to assess alignment with His will.

His question flicked on the search light to my heart and spurred self-examination that revealed not just a new awareness of His will for me but also reminded me of how precious I am in His eyes.  Perhaps given all life demands of you, it has been a while since you’ve paused to reflect on just how precious you are to the God who created you.  Let me help you jog your memory;

The very hairs of your head are numbered, you are worth more than many sparrows (Matt. 10:29-31)

He regards you as the apple of His eye (Deut. 132-10-12)

He has called you by name.  You are His (Isaiah 43:1)

You are engraved in the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16)

His thoughts toward you are precious! (Ps 139:17)

His will for your life is worth finding.  Seek Him and you shall find Him when you search for Him with your whole heart!